Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize