Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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