Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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