you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
