Farmville is her only friend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize