: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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