My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
