Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
