She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
