Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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