I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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