I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
