Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
