also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
