My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
