he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
