they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
