Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
