how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
