I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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