i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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