I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
