dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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