Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
