dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize