She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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