Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
