Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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