His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
