her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
