Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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