I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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