I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
