there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
