I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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