there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
