tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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