Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize