I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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