You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
