i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
