I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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