should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize