I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
