Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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