Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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