i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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