Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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