i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
