If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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