The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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