you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
