if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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