She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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