I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
