You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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