Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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