Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
