Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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