Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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