duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize