I wish I could teleport
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
