Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
