Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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