Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
