Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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