I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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