she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
