Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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