Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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